Life is a Highway

In Greenville, there are many large trucks about town. The roads are flat in East Carolina, you don’t need Super Swamper tires or need 4WD. Obviously, I don’t drive one….I’m the Minvan Guy now. Anyway, I know there is a purpose with this like towing boats, houses anything you can haul effectively. And if you drive one, that’s your prerogative.

I’ve seen these monster trucks (as my son calls them) more so in NC than FL. I took a long way to tell you why I bring this up. On more than one occasion I’ve seen this in both states. It’s a bumper sticker that reads:

“These Colors Don’t Run!” (in or over red, white and blue)

No offense to the drivers who will rock their bumper stickers with pride, but his proud blemished sticker, cracked and dirty is to be a political statement, whose glorification only goes to the ad executives who created it. The owner of said bumper sticker is trying to be badass but unfortunately, my friend (who is high above, getting 6 miles to the gallon, blinding oncoming traffic with his overhead KC lights) can’t hear his own radio or CB because the engine and tires are too loud and keeping him from exceeding 72 MPH. When someone says THESE COLORS DON’T RUN it was coined by a laundry detergent company and they made millions off of it. Now it does fit the U.S. World Police theory, but still, that one-liner should have only referenced laundry detergent.

One question for anyone who owns such a vehicle, how is it that some of these trucks have handicap tags? I guess it depends on the disability, but one would think that the 4 steps to get up to your truck would be frightening for a disabled individual. Also, this is a question for the local government, if people designated as handicapped are indeed in need, then why do we require them to hang a posterboard-sized handicapped hang tag to obstruct their already obstructed view?

End rant.

One more request for the monster truck drivers. Please don’t mind if I use you to block the billboards on the freeway as I still don’t know how to explain the concept of “Adult Toys,” to children. While these billboards are all up and down I-95 to attract truckers, these same truckers are also effective in hiding those signs.

I’m an equal opportunity offender…I still don’t understand why people place those stickers of stick figure people and pets on their minivan. We know you have a family—-you drive a minivan!

This is for my buddy Garett who really wants it explained to him why everyone has flip-flop stickers on their rear window. When he asked a friend she said she just liked the sticker and wearing flip-flops. Garett was not convinced. He feels a conspiracy is brewing.

I did see however that there was a bumper sticker that I would actually put on my car. It’s a sticker of the sign, slower traffic keep right. I am a fan. Perhaps this sticker should be put on the front window, in front of the gigantic handicap tag below my rearview mirror.

I have no words for the next subject, I leave you with this. It makes fun of itself and here in Greenville they’re everywhere making driving entertaining.

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